


Hopelessly Memerized

by whenthefucksareout



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, FTM Reader, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Reader is Olivia's Nephew, Secret Relationship, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27924253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenthefucksareout/pseuds/whenthefucksareout
Summary: Rafael Barba was never meant to mean this much to you. But he's worked his way into your heart and you're afraid to admit it.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> he/him pronouns.

Rafael wasn't meant to mean this much to you. 

When you first met him, you were an officer who had just passed your Detective training at a ripe young age. You had connections, your very own Aunt was a Sargent in a Precinct where she could have eyes on you twenty-four-seven and that's how you got placed into a Sex Crimes Detective.

Rafael had mocked you when he first saw you, making the same cliche jokes of you coming out of High School track, thinking you weren't as good as the squad you were apart of. You retaliated, one day just straight up insulting him and then having Olivia deescalate it before the scenario before her could end up with one of you in Hospital - because let's face it, that's how bad you resented one another. 

You thought it was stupid, at first, having a grown ass man talk down to you but couldn't take it when you insulted his stupid ties. But then it became routine, you came down to his office to get a warrant, you bickered for five minutes and then you left satisfied, thinking of the next thing to say to him that would rile him up. 

Rafael didn't know why he put up with it, you were his friends nephew, if he somehow hurt your little feelings then Olivia would be on his back and he would have to deal with the stress of that plus the workload she puts on him daily. 

Then, on a whim, after a predicted good case went sour, you went to his favourite Go-To Bar to try and trail the A. DA in his tracks. You saw the disappointment on his face when the Jury said their Verdict, he worked hard and even though at that time you didn't like him, you admired how much work he put into helping Victims. You saw him on a stool, face full off some expensive brand of alcohol and washing the day away. You pitied him, there. Rafael tried to turn you away when you sat next to him, but you ignored him and praised him - out of character, yes, but when was the last time someone had done that to him? When was the last time he had someone even remotely inrested in him to come and see him after hours? 

That night, he wasn't drunk enough to not be able to consent (he wasn't drunk at all, actually, you caught him on his first drink.), he took you back to his apartment while he made out with you sloppily, it ended up with you both in his bed and you woke up late for work. Your relationship after that was... damaged, to say nicely. But he kept coming back to you, saying that it would be the last time, in which it was not. 

And as long as this went on, you could see how hard, rough he could be when he was angry, pent up frustration. You also saw how, sometimes, sweet he was in bed. Sometimes he held you and went slow, kissing you - it made you feel wanted when he was like that. 

Sometimes, Rafael would enter the Precinct and hand you a coffee - just you. Sometimes, if you were working late, he would drop by and hand you cheap takeout for your Dinner. Sometimes, he would give you this knowing sly smirk when it was just you both alone in a public area and made you weak in the knees. But sometimes, only sometimes, he would talk to you, about your problems, your work, your life - he would want to try and make sure that there's no knots that you could trip over. 

And that, was made you fall for him. 

You didn't always live with Olivia, hell, before you were Sixteen, you didn't even know she existed. Olivia had been found as your next of kin after your Mother and her Boyfriend got arrested for taking part in Drug Rings. The first night you were given to Olivia, you tried to run away in the Fire Escape, she had to stop you by bribing you with a late night drive and greasy cheap Fast Food. Olivia saved you, taking you in when she had no reason to--only because her sister who hardly spoke to her fucked up. But she wouldn't give you up with anything. 

But.. maybe she might resent you if she ever found out your relationship with her A. DA, her friend whom she holds close. At first, before anything happened between you two, you thought they were an item but as you got to learn more about their relationship, it was purely just friendship. Phew. 


	2. Chapter 2

Rafael couldn't stop staring at you. You weren't doing anything extravagant, you weren't giving a speech or interrogating someone. You were trying not to fall asleep on your desk.

Fist on your cheek, back hunched and sitting on the cheap swirly chair, your eyes drooped every now and then as you tried to stay awake. Your laptop screen projected a blue light onto your face and torso; you were meant to be working and everytime a Sargent or a Liutenant came by, you pretended you were, but you haven't lifted a finger since half past seven.

Rafael couldn't help but feel guilty for you not being able to concentrate, after all, he did keep you up all night and he pulled you into his office and put you on your knees for an extra half an hour today, too.

He was inside Olivia's office, waiting for her to return back from her Dinner run and sat in her chair, watching you through the blinds. Dominick sat across from you, typing at his laptop and probably doing your work for you. Sonny was nice like that, if you didn't eat, he'd bring you some of is homemade pasta, sometimes he would take some of your paperwork if you weren't looking and do it for you.

Sometimes it rubbed Rafael the wrong way. You weren't together. Rafael had no feelings for you other than a mutual friendship, only.. friends who do a little more than what normal friends would do. But he did find it hard to not think about you when he wasn't with you, remembering the feeling of you, your skin, the brassy aftershave you wear, tracing his fingertips over red marks you've left on his body during intamacy, the feeling of being inside you; he liked to deny the emotions he felt towards you, because if he done that, they wouldn't weigh him down.

Not to mention you were very kind, you probably took it off Olivia. Considering the shit you put up with growing up, he expected you to be someone he would try and put away. Olivia had told him things about what had happened to you, how you were treated, what people done to you; it made him flare his nostrils and grip onto his scotch glass to the point he was sure it cracked, he was so angry, so.. disturbed. You were pitiful, so, the next time Rafael saw you, he was so soft, he made sure you felt cared for—it was the first time he kissed you with the intention of making you feel cared for, not just out of selfishness.

Rafael averts his gaze when you turn to look at him, feeling his face flush. You give him a knowing look, he sees it. You're so bold sometimes, despite your submissive nature. Rafael especially likes it when you're annoyed by how the day turns out, very snappy and angry; he loves it when you have your way with him. 

No words are exchanged throughout the rest of your shift, but Rafael sends you a quick text to arrive at his office. Another place where he absolutely loves taking you, the thrill of probably getting caught makes him want to do it more.

An hour later, you're breathing hard against the hardwood of his desk, biting your kiss-swollen lip, a small smirk at the corner of your lips as Rafael finishes inside you, groaning and kneeding your flesh as he does so.

He had taken off your t-shirt and now your torso is sweat covered, sticky against the desk. Normally, he would take you facing him, but he wanted to hold you down and get as much as himself inside you as he could.

Rafael liked your chest, two large conspicuous scars underneath the nipples, the scar tissue brightening the colour of your skin by a different lighter shade—but it made you happy and confident. He remembers Olivia telling him that she saved up almost every paycheck to get this one thing for you, a surgery that quite literally changed your life at eighteen years old, and how it was draining but worth it in the end.

Rafael turns you around so your laying on your back, taking your aglow expression in, chest heaving. His hands trail from the bottom of your stomach to those two scars, fingers tracing the thin bumps, kneading the flat flesh. Yeah, he liked then a lot.

"Enjoying yourself?" You ask, almost breathless. Rafaels eyes flicker to your face, smiling, he kisses you, breaking his tongue into your mouth and you easily accept.

Your hands scratch up his clothed torso, arms wrapping around the back of his neck and pulling him in closer so that your bodies were touching, feeling his warm heavy weight on you, a sighing breathily into his mouth.

Rafael, in his own home, would've gladly stripped down with you, but in his own office he enjoys dominating you. This is his place of work, at all.

He leans back, arching against your stomach, he puts his hand on your cheek and strokes it with his thumb gingerly, then his palm goes into your hair and pushes it back now staring at you as he comes down from his high.

For a moment, you feel self conscious—which should be impossible considering he is still inside you, softening as the seconds go by. But the expression on his face, his eyes are looking at you in a way you've never noticed before. Unlike Rafael, he presses a chaste kiss to your forehead.

He pats your thigh as he retracts himself from inside you, feeling the cool air against his appendage and immediately missed the warmth that was you. You go to close your legs, but Rafael's hands stop you, watching what he gave you drip from your hole. Yeah, he really likes that too.

He takes two fingers and takes the droplet, swiping up so he has a good amount on his digits and you let out a sigh.

"Open."

Rafael orders, he brings the tips of his fingers to your mouth and you take them eagerly, sucking at them. Rafael's eyelids droop; watching you suck your mixed taste.

A phone buzzes on the table next to your head, a text message, your eyes avert from Rafael to your phone and pick it up.

**Livvy:**

**Hey are you coming home? I made Pasta.**

"It's Liv," you say, Rafael's fingers no longer in your mouth. He sighs, the night was coming to an end anyway. He pulls up your boxers and jeans to your thighs, you do the rest.

"So, you're still doing that undercover stig in the next few weeks?"

Rafael asks, trying to make small talk. He picks up your t-shirt and throws it at you as he picks his suspenders up from where they dropped.

"Yeah, I figured it would be nice to have that on my personnel file. Plus it would be nice for Liv to trust me." you pull on the clothing and smooth it out, looking in your camera—there's a deep red sploch just above your collarbone, the t-shirt covers most of it.

"I thought we agreed on no marking above the throat?"

"I tried not to, its fine, wear a hoodie or something. Or you know, actual professional clothing like a shirt, a tie, a suit."

You roll your eyes, grumbling. "It's not required. I'm not getting a suit tailored to me, that's your thing. And I'm sure that everytime you leave my apartment you leave a bit of your suits there anyway, I'll just collect them."

Rafael smirks, flattening his tie. That's true, he can't recall how many tie clips or shirts he's went back home without. For a while, he thought you hid them from him, and you always gave him a t-shirt of your own.

You're checking your phone again, typing, probably to Olivia. Rafael glances down at his desk where you were five minutes ago, now you're about to leave; there's a reaching feeling from his chest, he had you _right there_ and now you're so far away from him.

"Do you want me to walk you out?"

"It's fine. I'll walk," you say, you look up from the phone and put it in your pocket. "Thanks, by the way." You give an apprecitive smile and then leave him in his office and he feels.. gutted.   
  
  


You don't want to be vulnerable with Rafael outside of sex. Because he is the first and only person to look at you like a person—like a real man, (which.. you are, some bigoted people don't see it that way). And he volunterily sleeps with you at least four times in a week, and he's good at it, he gives you what you want and how you want it, you don't even have to tell him he just knows.

But for the past few months you've been fooling around, your feelings towards the A. DA had turned into something that you promised wouldn't feel. You're starting to think that you have.. more than platonic feelings for him. Rafael Barba is a really kind man, he works day and night to get justice for victims and he's the best at his job and you're lucky enough to work with him. But in all seriousness, who _wouldn't_ fall for him?

Not you, that's who. 


End file.
